Independent Woman – Sacred Life Sunday

Years ago I sat in my therapist’s office and said “I want to be independent; I just don’t want to do it alone.”  The minute it came out of my mouth we both laughed and I saw him write it in his notebook.  Years later at a talk he was giving regarding relationships, he used that quote which gave the audience a chuckle. 

I was just leaving a long-term marriage and was headed out on my own with two daughters who were not particularly happy with me for making this huge and unwelcome change to their lives.  I didn’t know exactly where I was headed except toward independence.  I needed to know I could take care of myself first, and then to be open to a relationship that would feel more equal and alive.  “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” That quote of Anais Nin’s really said it all for me at that time.  I’d never lived alone or alone with children, except when my husband had been stationed on a ship for several weeks at a time.  I had little confidence that I could support myself and my daughters, but the fear of staying in an unhealthy relationship was greater than the fear of moving towards the unknown but more independent life.   We three girls went through some very rough times but I feel very fortunate to have two beautiful successful daughters to share life with as adults now.

Second Journey -   I want to be independent; I just don’t want to do it alone.  I’m at a different stage of my life, in a committed loving relationship and looking toward retirement in a few years.  I want to remain independent, vibrant, life loving and satisfied with what I’m doing with my life.  This time in my life is an opportunity to look at where I’ve been, what I’m doing now, and how I want to fashion my future so that I can continue to grow, change and appreciate life.  I have to admit that I’m realizing that my reaction to talking about positive change and adjusting to real change are not always met with the same frame of mind or open arms.  But I am determined not to be a dinosaur and I want to keep challenging myself to keep growing and taking chances.  Independent doesn’t mean alone, it means being able to make decisions, be happy with myself but also to be interdependent with others for support, friendships, and challenges.  So, see, I can be independent and yet not do it alone. 

Gail Brokaw, MA, CC
http://www.embracethepossibility.org

You CAN create the change you want in your life!

Sacred Life Sunday – Mother and daughters

Precious Time Together

Today I am bouncing back and forth between two books and finding similarities in both, written by women of two different ages.  One writer is in her thirties (like my daughters) , the other in her sixties (like me), and both are trying to regain balance and meaning in their lives.  I’m finding more similarities between these two time periods in a woman’s life than I had previously thought.  It seems many women in their thirties are beginning to look at their lives from a new vantage point and wondering if they are on the right path.  Some are wondering how they can redesign their current life to ensure they have enough time and energy left over for that which is most important to them.  It seems to be a time of reexamining everything they have believed in and realizing that time is not infinite.  If they want to arrive at their targeted destination, they’d better make a plan and get going.  Then again in our sixties, I hear many women, including myself, wanting to reexamine our expectations for our life and take time to recreate the life we want in the time we have left.  We both want to continue to experience growth, creativity, relationships, and a sense of contributing, as well as making time for reflection and rejuvenation.  Both the thirties and the sixties are a time for questioning, reviewing and committing to making changes that will serve us best in the years to come.  Mothers and daughters in these age ranges are really not so different; we just have different time lines and energy levels.  (Amen to that one!)  We both want meaningful, successful (however each individual defines that for themselves), and happy years to look forward to, as well as to look back on.

I have had a couple of great days spending time with my two daughters.  We three don’t get to be together at the same time nearly enough.  Heather lives in Maryland and Julia and I in California two hours apart.  I love the precious time I have with the two of them separate and together.  Heather was here in California for a conference in San Francisco.  She is a Speech-Language Pathologist at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore and a mother of three little ones.  She and her husband do a great job of juggling work and family.  I’m constantly amazed and I know it isn’t easy.   Julia is a singer songwriter and marketing consultant.  She and her partner live in a quiet community in Sonoma County and are involved in music and the theater. I am so proud of all of them.  And I am so thankful for such talented souls in my family that contribute in such a positive way to this world. (And did I mention my grandson, 5 years old, wants to be heart surgeon?  And my granddaughters, age 4, a pony doctor and ballerina?  Look out world, more good stuff coming your way!) 

My daughters and I spent a day together at the beach this week.  We had a picnic of smoked salmon and tuna, cheese, french bread, raw veggies and wine.  What a life!  That kind of food on a sunny, breezy day at the beach with my daughters is the best!  The sea air, the sounds of seagulls and children at the beach in the background made a wonderful backdrop for our conversations.  I wish you all the same kind of day with your someone special.

Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org
You CAN create the change you want in your life!