Independent Woman – Sacred Life Sunday

Years ago I sat in my therapist’s office and said “I want to be independent; I just don’t want to do it alone.”  The minute it came out of my mouth we both laughed and I saw him write it in his notebook.  Years later at a talk he was giving regarding relationships, he used that quote which gave the audience a chuckle. 

I was just leaving a long-term marriage and was headed out on my own with two daughters who were not particularly happy with me for making this huge and unwelcome change to their lives.  I didn’t know exactly where I was headed except toward independence.  I needed to know I could take care of myself first, and then to be open to a relationship that would feel more equal and alive.  “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” That quote of Anais Nin’s really said it all for me at that time.  I’d never lived alone or alone with children, except when my husband had been stationed on a ship for several weeks at a time.  I had little confidence that I could support myself and my daughters, but the fear of staying in an unhealthy relationship was greater than the fear of moving towards the unknown but more independent life.   We three girls went through some very rough times but I feel very fortunate to have two beautiful successful daughters to share life with as adults now.

Second Journey -   I want to be independent; I just don’t want to do it alone.  I’m at a different stage of my life, in a committed loving relationship and looking toward retirement in a few years.  I want to remain independent, vibrant, life loving and satisfied with what I’m doing with my life.  This time in my life is an opportunity to look at where I’ve been, what I’m doing now, and how I want to fashion my future so that I can continue to grow, change and appreciate life.  I have to admit that I’m realizing that my reaction to talking about positive change and adjusting to real change are not always met with the same frame of mind or open arms.  But I am determined not to be a dinosaur and I want to keep challenging myself to keep growing and taking chances.  Independent doesn’t mean alone, it means being able to make decisions, be happy with myself but also to be interdependent with others for support, friendships, and challenges.  So, see, I can be independent and yet not do it alone. 

Gail Brokaw, MA, CC
http://www.embracethepossibility.org

You CAN create the change you want in your life!

The Second Journey – Sacred Life Sunday

 

Coffee and Joan

I sat in my backyard this morning enjoying my coffee and reading Joan Anderson’s “The Second Journey, The Road Back to Yourself.”  She references her conversations with Joan Erikson (Erik Erikson’s wife),  regarding Erik Erikson’s Stages of Development.  Erikson created the Life Cycle chart indicating each phase of a person’s life when they either learn or don’t learn crucial things that will help them move through life in a productive and happy way.  Joan Erikson added to the chart by indicating a strength to be gained during each phase.  Joan Anderson realized that we don’t just learn and gain a strength and then move on to the next phase.  We can continually improve upon the strengths after we gain them.  Life is not just a straight line forward.  It is a loop-de-loop, back tracking, do-it-again-and-again-to-get-it-better kind of life.  We have the ability, if we choose, to improve and grow and become more of the person we want to be during our lifetime.   And as Joan’s chapter is titled, Miles to Go, I know I have miles and miles to go to become the person I want to be.  Change and growth are what makes life interesting, challenging and rewarding for me though they can be scary and uncomfortable along the way.  I tend to start anew frequently, sometimes with an end in mind, but usually just a direction to move toward.  I love the forks in the road along the way that provide opportunities for new adventures.

What we call the beginning is often the end.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
       The end is where we start from.
                 –T. S. Eliot

A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent on arriving.
           –Tao Te Ching

 

Gail Brokaw, MA, Life Coach
http://www.embracethepossibility.org