A Circle of Warmth, Sharing & Support
I received a newsletter recently from one of my favorite life coaches, Jennifer Louden . She talked about her friends who just lost their home to fire in Santa Barbara and that the first thing her friend thought of after she heard her house was burned to the ground, was gratitude. She was so grateful that her family was safe and that her friends were offering her support and assistance. What a great way to deal with a hardship. Instead of dwelling on the loss, she focused on what she did have and how lucky she was to have it.
Jennifer writes, “If you’ve ever lost things to a disaster or accident, you know it’s not about the stuff, it’s about memories made tangible: the plaster handprint your child made in kindergarten, the picture of your father right before he died smiling at the camera with an impish grin of gratitude, it’s the dusty teapot from your honeymoon in Ireland.”
My response to Jennifer follows:
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Jennifer,
I loved your newsletter as it touched a cord in my emotions. It is so true that “it’s about memories made tangible”. After my parents died and I watched the house I was raised in be torn down, I felt the loss like the loss of a loved one. As brick and wood came down, I thought of the family picnics in the back yard on long summer nights, the measuring place on the back door edging where grandkids could hardly wait to pass up their short grandma. I remembered bringing both my babies to visit their grandparents and play in the yard I played in. They flew kites in the field next door with their grandpa. I remembered the fireplace my father kept fueled in winter and the one special stormy day I came home from school to find him home with Mom ready to enjoy tea and cookies with my sister and me. I could go on and on. . .
Anyway, after the devastation, I hope your friends can begin to start reminiscing and reminding each other of those special things and memories and then write them down before they start to forget the details. They sound like very special people indeed. Loved the visual of grabbing the duck broth!
Thank you for sharing and reminding us of what’s really important and about the challenges and creativity involved in transitions. Please send my best wishes to your friends.
Gail Brokaw
You can check out Jennifer’s blog at http://www.comfortqueen.com/ She is a wonderfully talented writer.
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Our family has been hit by this recession and layoffs like so many others. It is an emotional time and a time for reassessing our lives. In a flash, there was shock, hurt, and a bit of panic, followed by anger, though tempered with an understanding that the decisions by the company were purely financial. Then there came some depressive feelings with a realization that life is just not fair sometimes. After the initial shock, here are some things that I have found can be helpful to feeling more in control of our own destiny.
Take this time to review your past employment and see if it is a good time to make a change. Look at this transition time as one that gives you an opportunity to get retrained, learn new skills, take a new direction. There are lots of classes and books available to help you get started. Just don’t sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. Make it your job to find a job or new career. Work at it every single day.
If you haven’t got one, create a budget showing all your income and expenses. Where can you cut expenses? Make some decisions that will help your bottom line. Stop an unnecessary service or sell something you don’t really need. If you have a financial planner, talk to them for advice. Check out Suze Orman’s website for practical information that can get you back on track financially.
You are in control of your time each day. If you need to, make a list each evening that will help give you direction the following day. Then get started.
If you haven’t received your COBRA information for continuing your insurance within a couple of weeks of your layoff, inform your employer’s Human Resources staff. They make mistakes too and sometimes that can delay your COBRA information from arriving in a timely manner. And we all know how important it is to keep that health insurance in effect, if at all possible.
If you are without health insurance and can’t afford to obtain your medications, look into Partnership for Prescription Assistance. It is a cooperative for 475 Prescription Assistance Programs which have rolled their assistance opportunities into one-stop shopping that can be accessed through the web or by telephone.
Apply for unemployment benefits, even if you were just reduced from full time to part time. They may cover the lost hours and that will surely help your bottom line. Your employer should give you information regarding this process.
Start posting your resume with online job hunting sites, like Indeed.com, Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, Craigslist.org, Care.com, snagajob.com, usajobs.gov. If you know of other great sites, please add a comment below and share the information.
If you are spiritual, don’t forget to let your beliefs and practices help guide you to a more assured sense of wellbeing. Having a basic belief that things will be alright is essential now. Mindfulness skills, meditation, praying, positive thinking, and giving to others are ways to help us focus on what we can do to help ourselves and others during this difficult time.
Tell all your friends, colleagues, past and present, and family that you are looking for work. There is no shame in losing your job. That’s just the way of the world at this point in time. It will get better. Get signed up for LinkedIn and Facebook and let your social networking help you with leads. If you have time, volunteer with an organization that inspires you.
Plant a garden to help with the grocery bills. It’s great therapy to get outside, and gives a sense of accomplishment when those plants begin to bloom and produce fruit or veggies.
I know this can interrupt your sleep, but try deep breathing relaxation exercises or listening to calming soft music when hitting the sack and keep reminding yourself that even though things are not as they were, you can adjust and create a new life. There is an end to this recession.
There is a new beginning just waiting to happen. Embrace the Possibility!
The video, How to Cook Your Life is comtemplative and inspirational. I find myself wanting to make bread now and to slow my thinking down and let things rise from my mind as the bread dough rises after being fed with all the ingredients it needs to nourish our bodies.
Zen priest and chef, Edward Brown talks about life through food preparation. As with everything we do, we can look at the way we prepare our food and eat our food and compare our actions in the kitchen with the actions we usually take in our lives. This documentary visits Tassajara Zen Center, Green Gulch Zen Center, and the San Francisco Zen Center as it instructs and inspires us to live our lives consciously and with purpose.
Edward Brown looks at the metal tea pots with dents and creases and likens them to our lives with wrinkles and troubles. They are what makes us who we are and we continue to be useful with any and all of our dings and dents. That’s a good, good thought to keep in mind as I age! Sometimes I think I need to be that perfect shining tea pot that performs as if new all the time. I have to remember patience and forgiveness, mindfulness and appreciation as I move through my days. Oh yes, and don’t forget to breathe!
Bamiyan Buddha, Afghanistan
I just finished watching this wonderful documentary, The Giant Buddhas from Netflix on my computer. I highly recommend this program.
The documentary mentioned that originally the Buddha had a wooden face covered in gold and jewels. The face could be tilted so that the Buddhist monks could light candles behind the eyes. I now have a mental picture of the Buddha at night with lights coming from behind giant ruby eyes, shining over the Bamiyan Valley. What a fantastic vision it must have been. Makes me wonder though what is happening in that region of the Silk Road now and how sad it is to have lost these world treasures to the Taliban’s twisted perspective.
I am so appreciative for the life I lead as I watch how difficult it has been and continues to be for generations in that area. Those families that had lived in the cliff dwellings for generations have now been “relocated” by the government to a seemingly undesirable and inhospitable location, farther from water and in an extremely cold and windy area. It made me think of how the US “relocated” the American Indians to the Reservations. It looks like a life of survival, not really living or being able to appreciate. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to live in that region. This helps me to remember that I have nothing to complain about.
The Giant Buddhas
(2005) NR
Christian Frei’s documentary traces the tragic tale of the giant Buddhas of Afghanistan’s Bamiyan Valley, which stood as monumental landmarks for 1,500 years until 2001, when the Taliban declared that all non-Islamic statues in the country be destroyed. Despite international protest, the statues were blown up. Through interwoven narratives from past and present, Frei’s film sheds light on the disturbing consequences of religious fanaticism.
Here are some links with more information about the Buddhas.
http://buddhistlinks.org/BuddhasBamiyan.htm
Here is something about the uncovered third and reclining buddha.
http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iMwnIv89hH3Q7rvdzmDQH9zCL6KA
And here is a video discussing the possible rebuilding of the Buddhas.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9Cu5iOjHQo
Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org
“Come to the edge.”
And they flew.
Winding Road Ahead
Think about it. . .
When in your life have you felt the most:
Confident Energized Creative Challenged Focused
Positive In Control Motivated Productive Interested
Forward Thinking ?????
When in your life have you felt the most:
Overwhelmed Hopeless Depleted Negative Scattered
Disinterested Stuck Helpless Bored Unmotivated
Non-productive ?????
How can you create more of the first set of feelings even when things are not as you had planned? If we focus on and practice the kinds of things that bring the positive feelings, do we not create more of those good feelings?
When we focus on our strengths, and take action to use them, do we not expand those strengths and the positive feelings that go along with them?
A Precious Human Life by the Dalai Lama is something I will read over and paste up at work to remind myself to focus on the life I have and all the wonderful opportunites I have each day to enjoy it.
Today I am fortunate to have woken up.
I am alive; I have a precious human life.
I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use all my energies to develop myself,
To expand my heart out to others,
To achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings.
I am going to have kind thoughts towards others.
I am not going to get angry,
Or think badly about others.
I am going to benefit others as much as I can.
—Dalai Lama
Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org/Newsletters.html
Mirror Lake, Chugiak, Alaska
Last weekend I got an impulse to start checking the internet for a place and people I knew 30 years ago. I was married to a Coast Guard man at the time and he was stationed in Anchorage, Alaska. We bought a fixer-upper home in a small town named Chugiak, Alaska. I spent several hours glued to my computer screen as I found several links to articles that mentioned two women who I knew there. I was remembering how much I appreciated the invitations to join their women’s group. I remembered the older couple up the hill who had lived there for years who included us in the neighborhood potluck and welcomed us into the neighborhood. I was 30 and had two young daughters. I was isolated and in an old, very run down house that needed more energy and work than we had in us. I’ve never been so exhausted at the end of each day as we rebuilt this little building back to a livable situation. It was a humbling experience (the first time I was ashamed of the house I lived in) and very difficult at times (frozen car locks, shoveling out before we could leave the driveway, sliding to a stop in the car when the ice was thick on the roads) but the beauty of the people and the environment was at times so wonderful that it was unbelievable. I rediscovered the old values of neighbor helping neighbor, creating family where there was none, and involvement in the community.
So, I found a link on the internet that mentioned one woman I was searching for. Her son had just married in Hawaii last year. And would you believe that he lives in my town in California?! Talk about a small world. So I called and left a message that I was trying to get in contact with his Mom. Then Presto! She called me a few days later. And she is coming to California next month to see her son. We’ll have lunch or coffee and talk. That is synchronicity. I am grateful for the opportunity to see her again and to thank her in person for including me in her social network. Isn’t the internet wonderful?
See some of my photos from Chugiak at http://www.embracethepossibility.org/Chugiak.html
Here are some wonderful ways to celebrate and encourage peace in our lives.
May 2009 bring more Peace, Joy, and Understanding into all our lives.
Peace symbol created by Gerald Holtom 1958
iPeace Day – 31 December 2008
Sharing Peace – Making A Difference
http://www.ipeace.me
Think in the positive = create peacefulness
Dedicate yourself to sharing your peace – ‘infect’ peace around you.
Write a poem for peace
Make a video. Post a video
Organize a concert for peace
Surprise others with random acts of kindness
Play music in the streets for peace
Plant a tree
Blog or write an article
Speak softly, breathe deeply, observe everything
Organize a gathering
Light a candle
Teach peace
Organize iPeace Day events in your campus
Meditate
Run for Peace. Walk for peace.
Slow down and appreciate little moments.
Organize a game or a match for peace (any sport)
Have peace dinner with friends (or with strangers)
Do anything that will express peace – for you.
Live without fear
Get kids involved
Donate to an organization dedicated to creating equality, peace, knowledge, understanding, and sharing.
What can you think of doing?
Gail Brokaw, MA, CC
Politically, economically, spiritually and personally, this seems to be a huge time of transition and transformation for many of us. The Celts symbol of the hare, above, represents transformation and adaptation. That is happening now. The new leadership of our country is waiting in the wings to begin a time of difficult decisions, transitions and just plain hard work to get this country back on track again. We will all be affected and we will be asked to make changes in our lives for the good of our country and the planet. It seems to be a transition that we must make. I embrace the transformation and I look forward to positive changes that will create a better world for all of us.
If you are interested in other celtic symbols check out this site. http://www.thirdcoastrs.com/celtic_symbol_custom_stamps.htm
Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org
There are plenty of things that could scare me these days. Certain politicians use fear as a way to hold people to what is familiar and perceived as safe. They know the power of fear and it’s ability to control people’s actions. This is the month of Halloween (scary monsters) and politics (scary ideas) and economics (scary thoughts of the future). Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” He also said, “Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” That may be easier to say if you have enough to live on, but I personally want to keep focused on ways to continually grow emotionally and mentally to enable myself to continue the creative effort of living a joyful and satisfying life, no matter how much money I have or don’t have. I know it’s a challenge.
I’ve been reading The Places that Scare you; A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times, by Pema Chodron. She reminds us that Buddha taught three principal characteristics of human existence: impermanence, egolessness, and suffering or dissatisfaction. Recognizing that these are inescapable parts of life will help us relax with things as they are.
1. Life, people and situations are unpredictable,
2. life does have it’s ups and downs, and
3. everybody knows the pain of getting what they don’t want.
It’s just life. We increase our suffering when we try to make the impermanent, permanent.
Let’s don’t bow to the pressures of the day that shout at us to be afraid of change. Change is life.
The question is how do we take that change, learn from it and feel stronger because of it?
How can we become creative in the midst of that change?
How can we create something positive from the scary details of the day?
I will try accepting things I cannot change and focus on the things that I can do to make my world a more positive place to be. That’s really all I can do.
I love this quote. “Everyone is an explorer. How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not open it?” –Robert D Ballard So go ahead, feel the fear and do it anyway; accept what is, take a chance, and make a change. 
