Memories Made Tangible

I received a newsletter recently from one of my favorite life coaches, Jennifer Louden .  She talked about her friends who just lost their home to fire in Santa Barbara and that the first thing her friend thought of after she heard her house was burned to the ground, was gratitude.  She was so grateful that her family was safe and that her friends were offering her support and assistance.  What a great way to deal with a hardship.  Instead of dwelling on the loss, she focused on what she did have and how lucky she was to have it. 

Jennifer writes, “If you’ve ever lost things to a disaster or accident, you know it’s not about the stuff, it’s about memories made tangible: the plaster handprint your child made in kindergarten, the picture of your father right before he died smiling at the camera with an impish grin of gratitude, it’s the dusty teapot from your honeymoon in Ireland.”

My response to Jennifer follows:

Jennifer,   I loved your newsletter as it touched a cord in my emotions.  It is so true that “it’s about memories made tangible”.   After my parents died and I watched the house I was raised in  be torn down, I felt the loss like the loss of a loved one.  As brick and wood came down, I thought of the family picnics in the back yard on long summer nights, the measuring place on the back door edging where grandkids could hardly wait to pass up their short grandma.  I remembered bringing both my babies to visit their grandparents and play in the yard I played in.  They flew kites in the field next door with their grandpa. I remembered the fireplace my father kept fueled in winter and the one special stormy day I came home from school to find him home with Mom ready to enjoy tea and cookies with my sister and me.  I could go on and on. . .    Anyway, after the devastation, I hope your friends can begin to start reminiscing and reminding each other of those special things and memories and then write them down before they start to forget the details.  They sound like very special people indeed.  Loved the visual of grabbing the duck broth!   Thank you for sharing and reminding us of what’s really important and about the challenges and creativity involved in transitions.  Please send my best wishes to your friends. Gail Brokaw http://www.embracethepossibility.org You can check out Jennifer’s blog at http://www.comfortqueen.com/  She is a wonderfully talented writer.

Daily Conversations Appreciated

I’ve had some interesting conversations with a coworker this last week. 

*  “We are each special – just like everyone else. . . no, really. . .it’s a good thing.”

*  Loss and grieving and how it affects each of us differently, as she talked about a child who just lost his father to suicide.

*  The little things in life that bring us joy, like a parking spot close to the office after a year of having to walk from a block away.

*  How the loss of a parent early in life can affect a person’s personality, outlook and expectations throughout their life.

*  Similarities and differences in growing up in a Mexican, Black or White blue collar family – - Who’s happier the blue collar family or the CEO of a corporation?  Then there were rememberings of our blue collar families, the closeness we felt, the memories of childhood get-togethers and the warmth.

*  Who wears yellow to a memorial service? 
There are cultural differences that require understanding.

We’ve annoyed each other, laughed with each other, shared intimate details of loss and sorrow and joy, and learned from each other.  It was a good week.

And I received a Chinese fortune cookie note “A good position and a comfortable salary will be yours”  It’s now taped on my computer. . .

 

Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org

The Secret

The Secret

OK, don’t stone me, but I have a problem with The Secret and the Law of Attraction.  I think it seems to work for some in the world of opportunity, money and connections, but what about the people of the world living in poverty.  My guess is that they wake up every morning praying to their god that they live a better life with more money, better housing, more opportunities and some connection to someone that could help them.  They haven’t been exposed to the kind of education or thinking that allows them to create businesses that will thrive because they put up a note on their ceiling to see each morning saying, “I am a millionaire.”  Sometimes some of this Secret jargon seems like self-indulgent, want to have more, more, more, with magical thinking mixed in for effect.  It reminds me of a story I used to hear about a woman who belonged to a church that believed in speaking in Tongue (God speaking through them in some unknown language).  This woman loved her church, trusted the elders, and lived a good life trying to do everything she was told would get her closer to God.  She witnessed others in her church in prayerful moments going into a trance and speaking in Tongue straight from God.  She never experienced that and went to her death thinking there was something so wrong about her that God would not come to or through her.  How sad.

 

I do believe in positive thoughts, positive intentions, and making plans of actions to get us where we want to be.  That is very important.  I do believe that putting up notes around the house to remind us to stay focused on our intentions and plans does help us meet our goals.  And I’m incredibly thankful to live in a society that allows most of us the opportunity to creatively make our lives better each day by the words and actions we perform.  But sometimes I feel a bit jaded because I get tired of the phrases and words we hear like:

 

The Science of Getting Rich, a book from which the inspiration for The Secret came says in the opening sentence of Chapter 1:

“Whatever may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that it is not possible to live a really complete or successful life unless one is rich.”

 

Really?!  This seems like an absurd and ridiculous point of view.  Not to say that money can’t make a person’s life easier, but “not possible to live a really complete or successful life” unless you have an over abundance of money?  This infuriates me.  What happened to the values of having “enough”, values of helping others, creating for the sake of creating?  What about the values of spending time with family and friends, versus spending money on family and friends. I feel we, as a country have gotten so off track from what makes a truly satisfying life that we don’t even realize what our values are for a joyful and healthy life.  When was the last time you sat still and thought about what was really important to you and your family?  If you only had six months left to live, my guess is that you wouldn’t spend it building your financial empire.  You might want to say something to someone that needs to be said, you might want to travel to a place you’ve always wanted to see, you might want to throw a big party for all those in your life that are special to you, you might want to go camping with a grandchild and feel the newness of discovery through their eyes, you may want to learn to paint or quilt or do something to express yourself.  What would you want to leave behind?  That is the secret.  What can you do today that will bring meaning to your life?  Who will you touch by your kindness, your energy, your sharing? 

 

Layoffs and Opportunities

Our family has been hit by this recession and layoffs like so many others.  It is an emotional time and a time for reassessing our lives.  In a flash, there was shock, hurt, and a bit of panic, followed by anger, though tempered with an understanding that the decisions by the company were purely financial.  Then there came some depressive feelings with a realization that life is just not fair sometimes.  After the initial shock, here are some things that I have found can be helpful to feeling more in control of our own destiny.

 

 Take this time to review your past employment and see if it is a good time to make a change.  Look at this transition time as one that gives you an opportunity to get retrained, learn new skills, take a new direction.  There are lots of classes and books available to help you get started.  Just don’t sit at home and feel sorry for yourself.  Make it your job to find a job or new career.  Work at it every single day.

If you haven’t got one, create a budget showing all your income and expenses.  Where can you cut expenses?  Make some decisions that will help your bottom line.  Stop an unnecessary service or sell something you don’t really need.   If you have a financial planner, talk to them for advice.  Check out Suze Orman’s website for practical information that can get you back on track financially. 

You are in control of your time each day.  If you need to, make a list each evening that will help give you direction the following day. Then get started.

 

 

 If you haven’t received your COBRA information for continuing your insurance within a couple of weeks of your layoff, inform your employer’s Human Resources staff.  They make mistakes too and sometimes that can delay your COBRA information from arriving in a timely manner.  And we all know how important it is to keep that health insurance in effect, if at all possible.

 

If you are without health insurance and can’t afford to obtain your medications, look into Partnership for Prescription Assistance.  It is a cooperative for 475 Prescription Assistance Programs which have rolled their assistance opportunities into one-stop shopping that can be accessed through the web or by telephone.

 Apply for unemployment benefits, even if you were just reduced from full time to part time.  They may cover the lost hours and that will surely help your bottom line.  Your employer should give you information regarding this process.

 

 

Start posting your resume with online job hunting sites, like Indeed.com, Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, Craigslist.org, Care.com, snagajob.com, usajobs.gov.  If you know of other great sites, please add a comment below and share the information.

 

 

 If you are spiritual, don’t forget to let your beliefs and practices help guide you to a more assured sense of wellbeing.  Having a basic belief that things will be alright is essential now.  Mindfulness skills, meditation, praying, positive thinking, and giving to others are ways to help us focus on what we can do to help ourselves and others during this difficult time.

 

 

 Tell all your friends, colleagues, past and present, and family that you are looking for work.  There is no shame in losing your job.  That’s just the way of the world at this point in time.  It will get better.  Get signed up for LinkedIn and Facebook and let your social networking help you with leads.  If you have time, volunteer with an organization that inspires you.

 

 

 Plant a garden to help with the grocery bills.  It’s great therapy to get outside, and gives a sense of accomplishment when those plants begin to bloom and produce fruit or veggies.  

 

 

 

I know this can interrupt your sleep, but try deep breathing relaxation exercises or listening to calming soft music when hitting the sack and keep reminding yourself that even though things are not as they were, you can adjust and create a new life.  There is an end to this recession. 

 

 

There is a new beginning just waiting to happen.  Embrace the Possibility!

 

 

 

What a wonderful life!

Coy Watson, Jr died at the ripe old age of 96. I have such fond memories of him.   He had such a love of life, that he made everyone around him happy.  He was a caring, spiritual, fun loving,  joker who brought some very fun conversations to my family.  He moved from Los Angeles to Elk Grove, CA  in search of a quieter slower life but I think it was just too slow for Coy.  He needed energy around him and though he enjoyed our then peaceful fields and small town, he just had to get back down south to the big city.  When I think of Coy and Willie, his wife, I think of lots of laughter and story after interesting story of his life in Southern California, in silent movies and as a camera man. 

When my daughter, Julia Francis, was a little girl, our two families drove up to the foothills for a day-long picnic.  On the drive home, I remember Julia and Coy trading songs and stories all the way home.  They were both hams, through and through and had such a fun time entertaining us all.  He said at that time that he knew she’d be an entertainer, and he was right.

Coy, you will be missed.  You left many people with wonderful memories.  Thank you for making this world a better place and thank you for all your contibutions to movies, the news and friendships.

This image provided by Pattie Watson Price shows Jackie Coogan, left, and Coy Watson Jr. in a 1927 production of "Buttons". Watson, the former "Keystone Kid" who appeared in dozens of Mack Sennett comedies and other silent films before abandoning acting for a long career as a newspaper and television news photographer, died Saturday, March 14, 2009, of complications of stomach cancer, according to his daughter Pattie Watson Price. He was 96.

http://www.seattlepi.com/movies/1402ap_obit_watson.html

Sacred Life Sunday – Mother and daughters

Precious Time Together

Today I am bouncing back and forth between two books and finding similarities in both, written by women of two different ages.  One writer is in her thirties (like my daughters) , the other in her sixties (like me), and both are trying to regain balance and meaning in their lives.  I’m finding more similarities between these two time periods in a woman’s life than I had previously thought.  It seems many women in their thirties are beginning to look at their lives from a new vantage point and wondering if they are on the right path.  Some are wondering how they can redesign their current life to ensure they have enough time and energy left over for that which is most important to them.  It seems to be a time of reexamining everything they have believed in and realizing that time is not infinite.  If they want to arrive at their targeted destination, they’d better make a plan and get going.  Then again in our sixties, I hear many women, including myself, wanting to reexamine our expectations for our life and take time to recreate the life we want in the time we have left.  We both want to continue to experience growth, creativity, relationships, and a sense of contributing, as well as making time for reflection and rejuvenation.  Both the thirties and the sixties are a time for questioning, reviewing and committing to making changes that will serve us best in the years to come.  Mothers and daughters in these age ranges are really not so different; we just have different time lines and energy levels.  (Amen to that one!)  We both want meaningful, successful (however each individual defines that for themselves), and happy years to look forward to, as well as to look back on.

I have had a couple of great days spending time with my two daughters.  We three don’t get to be together at the same time nearly enough.  Heather lives in Maryland and Julia and I in California two hours apart.  I love the precious time I have with the two of them separate and together.  Heather was here in California for a conference in San Francisco.  She is a Speech-Language Pathologist at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore and a mother of three little ones.  She and her husband do a great job of juggling work and family.  I’m constantly amazed and I know it isn’t easy.   Julia is a singer songwriter and marketing consultant.  She and her partner live in a quiet community in Sonoma County and are involved in music and the theater. I am so proud of all of them.  And I am so thankful for such talented souls in my family that contribute in such a positive way to this world. (And did I mention my grandson, 5 years old, wants to be heart surgeon?  And my granddaughters, age 4, a pony doctor and ballerina?  Look out world, more good stuff coming your way!) 

My daughters and I spent a day together at the beach this week.  We had a picnic of smoked salmon and tuna, cheese, french bread, raw veggies and wine.  What a life!  That kind of food on a sunny, breezy day at the beach with my daughters is the best!  The sea air, the sounds of seagulls and children at the beach in the background made a wonderful backdrop for our conversations.  I wish you all the same kind of day with your someone special.

Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org
You CAN create the change you want in your life!

New Perspectives

  

 New dog, new perspective

Our two beloved dogs of 13 years each died this last year.  The house has been quiet and we haven’t gone on nearly enough walks.

This month we have added another family member.  Scarlet, the redheaded Norwich Terrier to the right, is now part of the family.  Scarlet’s sister, Charo, on the left, was visiting for a few days before going back to her original family.  They had fun chasing each other around the house but now Scarlet has the place, and us, to herself and I think she’s enjoying being the Queen of the house.

It’s amazing how a new family member can change the perspective of everyday activities.  Our boring old neighborhood walks now seem fresh again as we are introducing Scarlet to the parks and paths and neighbors that we know well.  And we are gaining a chance to see things differently through her eyes as she discovers new smells and sounds and chase games.  She makes us laugh when she goes wild at night, playing catch me or when she rolls on her back playing with a toy between her paws like a baby.

Life is good.    

In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi human.  The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.  ~Edward Hoagland

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.  ~Dave Barry

To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring – it was peace.  ~Milan Kundera

Enjoy the day and look for possibilities to enjoy a new perspective!

Gail Brokaw
Certified Life Coach
http://www.embracethepossibility.org