A Circle of Warmth, Sharing & Support
I received a newsletter recently from one of my favorite life coaches, Jennifer Louden . She talked about her friends who just lost their home to fire in Santa Barbara and that the first thing her friend thought of after she heard her house was burned to the ground, was gratitude. She was so grateful that her family was safe and that her friends were offering her support and assistance. What a great way to deal with a hardship. Instead of dwelling on the loss, she focused on what she did have and how lucky she was to have it.
Jennifer writes, “If you’ve ever lost things to a disaster or accident, you know it’s not about the stuff, it’s about memories made tangible: the plaster handprint your child made in kindergarten, the picture of your father right before he died smiling at the camera with an impish grin of gratitude, it’s the dusty teapot from your honeymoon in Ireland.”
My response to Jennifer follows:
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Jennifer,
I loved your newsletter as it touched a cord in my emotions. It is so true that “it’s about memories made tangible”. After my parents died and I watched the house I was raised in be torn down, I felt the loss like the loss of a loved one. As brick and wood came down, I thought of the family picnics in the back yard on long summer nights, the measuring place on the back door edging where grandkids could hardly wait to pass up their short grandma. I remembered bringing both my babies to visit their grandparents and play in the yard I played in. They flew kites in the field next door with their grandpa. I remembered the fireplace my father kept fueled in winter and the one special stormy day I came home from school to find him home with Mom ready to enjoy tea and cookies with my sister and me. I could go on and on. . .
Anyway, after the devastation, I hope your friends can begin to start reminiscing and reminding each other of those special things and memories and then write them down before they start to forget the details. They sound like very special people indeed. Loved the visual of grabbing the duck broth!
Thank you for sharing and reminding us of what’s really important and about the challenges and creativity involved in transitions. Please send my best wishes to your friends.
Gail Brokaw
You can check out Jennifer’s blog at http://www.comfortqueen.com/ She is a wonderfully talented writer.
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The Secret
OK, don’t stone me, but I have a problem with The Secret and the Law of Attraction. I think it seems to work for some in the world of opportunity, money and connections, but what about the people of the world living in poverty. My guess is that they wake up every morning praying to their god that they live a better life with more money, better housing, more opportunities and some connection to someone that could help them. They haven’t been exposed to the kind of education or thinking that allows them to create businesses that will thrive because they put up a note on their ceiling to see each morning saying, “I am a millionaire.” Sometimes some of this Secret jargon seems like self-indulgent, want to have more, more, more, with magical thinking mixed in for effect. It reminds me of a story I used to hear about a woman who belonged to a church that believed in speaking in Tongue (God speaking through them in some unknown language). This woman loved her church, trusted the elders, and lived a good life trying to do everything she was told would get her closer to God. She witnessed others in her church in prayerful moments going into a trance and speaking in Tongue straight from God. She never experienced that and went to her death thinking there was something so wrong about her that God would not come to or through her. How sad.
I do believe in positive thoughts, positive intentions, and making plans of actions to get us where we want to be. That is very important. I do believe that putting up notes around the house to remind us to stay focused on our intentions and plans does help us meet our goals. And I’m incredibly thankful to live in a society that allows most of us the opportunity to creatively make our lives better each day by the words and actions we perform. But sometimes I feel a bit jaded because I get tired of the phrases and words we hear like:
The Science of Getting Rich, a book from which the inspiration for The Secret came says in the opening sentence of Chapter 1:
“Whatever may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that it is not possible to live a really complete or successful life unless one is rich.”
Really?! This seems like an absurd and ridiculous point of view. Not to say that money can’t make a person’s life easier, but “not possible to live a really complete or successful life” unless you have an over abundance of money? This infuriates me. What happened to the values of having “enough”, values of helping others, creating for the sake of creating? What about the values of spending time with family and friends, versus spending money on family and friends. I feel we, as a country have gotten so off track from what makes a truly satisfying life that we don’t even realize what our values are for a joyful and healthy life. When was the last time you sat still and thought about what was really important to you and your family? If you only had six months left to live, my guess is that you wouldn’t spend it building your financial empire. You might want to say something to someone that needs to be said, you might want to travel to a place you’ve always wanted to see, you might want to throw a big party for all those in your life that are special to you, you might want to go camping with a grandchild and feel the newness of discovery through their eyes, you may want to learn to paint or quilt or do something to express yourself. What would you want to leave behind? That is the secret. What can you do today that will bring meaning to your life? Who will you touch by your kindness, your energy, your sharing?
Our family has been hit by this recession and layoffs like so many others. It is an emotional time and a time for reassessing our lives. In a flash, there was shock, hurt, and a bit of panic, followed by anger, though tempered with an understanding that the decisions by the company were purely financial. Then there came some depressive feelings with a realization that life is just not fair sometimes. After the initial shock, here are some things that I have found can be helpful to feeling more in control of our own destiny.
Take this time to review your past employment and see if it is a good time to make a change. Look at this transition time as one that gives you an opportunity to get retrained, learn new skills, take a new direction. There are lots of classes and books available to help you get started. Just don’t sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. Make it your job to find a job or new career. Work at it every single day.
If you haven’t got one, create a budget showing all your income and expenses. Where can you cut expenses? Make some decisions that will help your bottom line. Stop an unnecessary service or sell something you don’t really need. If you have a financial planner, talk to them for advice. Check out Suze Orman’s website for practical information that can get you back on track financially.
You are in control of your time each day. If you need to, make a list each evening that will help give you direction the following day. Then get started.
If you haven’t received your COBRA information for continuing your insurance within a couple of weeks of your layoff, inform your employer’s Human Resources staff. They make mistakes too and sometimes that can delay your COBRA information from arriving in a timely manner. And we all know how important it is to keep that health insurance in effect, if at all possible.
If you are without health insurance and can’t afford to obtain your medications, look into Partnership for Prescription Assistance. It is a cooperative for 475 Prescription Assistance Programs which have rolled their assistance opportunities into one-stop shopping that can be accessed through the web or by telephone.
Apply for unemployment benefits, even if you were just reduced from full time to part time. They may cover the lost hours and that will surely help your bottom line. Your employer should give you information regarding this process.
Start posting your resume with online job hunting sites, like Indeed.com, Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, Craigslist.org, Care.com, snagajob.com, usajobs.gov. If you know of other great sites, please add a comment below and share the information.
If you are spiritual, don’t forget to let your beliefs and practices help guide you to a more assured sense of wellbeing. Having a basic belief that things will be alright is essential now. Mindfulness skills, meditation, praying, positive thinking, and giving to others are ways to help us focus on what we can do to help ourselves and others during this difficult time.
Tell all your friends, colleagues, past and present, and family that you are looking for work. There is no shame in losing your job. That’s just the way of the world at this point in time. It will get better. Get signed up for LinkedIn and Facebook and let your social networking help you with leads. If you have time, volunteer with an organization that inspires you.
Plant a garden to help with the grocery bills. It’s great therapy to get outside, and gives a sense of accomplishment when those plants begin to bloom and produce fruit or veggies.
I know this can interrupt your sleep, but try deep breathing relaxation exercises or listening to calming soft music when hitting the sack and keep reminding yourself that even though things are not as they were, you can adjust and create a new life. There is an end to this recession.
There is a new beginning just waiting to happen. Embrace the Possibility!
The video, How to Cook Your Life is comtemplative and inspirational. I find myself wanting to make bread now and to slow my thinking down and let things rise from my mind as the bread dough rises after being fed with all the ingredients it needs to nourish our bodies.
Zen priest and chef, Edward Brown talks about life through food preparation. As with everything we do, we can look at the way we prepare our food and eat our food and compare our actions in the kitchen with the actions we usually take in our lives. This documentary visits Tassajara Zen Center, Green Gulch Zen Center, and the San Francisco Zen Center as it instructs and inspires us to live our lives consciously and with purpose.
Edward Brown looks at the metal tea pots with dents and creases and likens them to our lives with wrinkles and troubles. They are what makes us who we are and we continue to be useful with any and all of our dings and dents. That’s a good, good thought to keep in mind as I age! Sometimes I think I need to be that perfect shining tea pot that performs as if new all the time. I have to remember patience and forgiveness, mindfulness and appreciation as I move through my days. Oh yes, and don’t forget to breathe!
“Come to the edge.”
And they flew.
Winding Road Ahead
Think about it. . .
When in your life have you felt the most:
Confident Energized Creative Challenged Focused
Positive In Control Motivated Productive Interested
Forward Thinking ?????
When in your life have you felt the most:
Overwhelmed Hopeless Depleted Negative Scattered
Disinterested Stuck Helpless Bored Unmotivated
Non-productive ?????
How can you create more of the first set of feelings even when things are not as you had planned? If we focus on and practice the kinds of things that bring the positive feelings, do we not create more of those good feelings?
When we focus on our strengths, and take action to use them, do we not expand those strengths and the positive feelings that go along with them?
A Precious Human Life by the Dalai Lama is something I will read over and paste up at work to remind myself to focus on the life I have and all the wonderful opportunites I have each day to enjoy it.
Today I am fortunate to have woken up.
I am alive; I have a precious human life.
I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use all my energies to develop myself,
To expand my heart out to others,
To achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings.
I am going to have kind thoughts towards others.
I am not going to get angry,
Or think badly about others.
I am going to benefit others as much as I can.
—Dalai Lama
Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org/Newsletters.html
Here are some wonderful ways to celebrate and encourage peace in our lives.
May 2009 bring more Peace, Joy, and Understanding into all our lives.
Peace symbol created by Gerald Holtom 1958
iPeace Day – 31 December 2008
Sharing Peace – Making A Difference
http://www.ipeace.me
Think in the positive = create peacefulness
Dedicate yourself to sharing your peace – ‘infect’ peace around you.
Write a poem for peace
Make a video. Post a video
Organize a concert for peace
Surprise others with random acts of kindness
Play music in the streets for peace
Plant a tree
Blog or write an article
Speak softly, breathe deeply, observe everything
Organize a gathering
Light a candle
Teach peace
Organize iPeace Day events in your campus
Meditate
Run for Peace. Walk for peace.
Slow down and appreciate little moments.
Organize a game or a match for peace (any sport)
Have peace dinner with friends (or with strangers)
Do anything that will express peace – for you.
Live without fear
Get kids involved
Donate to an organization dedicated to creating equality, peace, knowledge, understanding, and sharing.
What can you think of doing?
Gail Brokaw, MA, CC
Politically, economically, spiritually and personally, this seems to be a huge time of transition and transformation for many of us. The Celts symbol of the hare, above, represents transformation and adaptation. That is happening now. The new leadership of our country is waiting in the wings to begin a time of difficult decisions, transitions and just plain hard work to get this country back on track again. We will all be affected and we will be asked to make changes in our lives for the good of our country and the planet. It seems to be a transition that we must make. I embrace the transformation and I look forward to positive changes that will create a better world for all of us.
If you are interested in other celtic symbols check out this site. http://www.thirdcoastrs.com/celtic_symbol_custom_stamps.htm
Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org
There are plenty of things that could scare me these days. Certain politicians use fear as a way to hold people to what is familiar and perceived as safe. They know the power of fear and it’s ability to control people’s actions. This is the month of Halloween (scary monsters) and politics (scary ideas) and economics (scary thoughts of the future). Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” He also said, “Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” That may be easier to say if you have enough to live on, but I personally want to keep focused on ways to continually grow emotionally and mentally to enable myself to continue the creative effort of living a joyful and satisfying life, no matter how much money I have or don’t have. I know it’s a challenge.
I’ve been reading The Places that Scare you; A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times, by Pema Chodron. She reminds us that Buddha taught three principal characteristics of human existence: impermanence, egolessness, and suffering or dissatisfaction. Recognizing that these are inescapable parts of life will help us relax with things as they are.
1. Life, people and situations are unpredictable,
2. life does have it’s ups and downs, and
3. everybody knows the pain of getting what they don’t want.
It’s just life. We increase our suffering when we try to make the impermanent, permanent.
Let’s don’t bow to the pressures of the day that shout at us to be afraid of change. Change is life.
The question is how do we take that change, learn from it and feel stronger because of it?
How can we become creative in the midst of that change?
How can we create something positive from the scary details of the day?
I will try accepting things I cannot change and focus on the things that I can do to make my world a more positive place to be. That’s really all I can do.
I love this quote. “Everyone is an explorer. How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not open it?” –Robert D Ballard So go ahead, feel the fear and do it anyway; accept what is, take a chance, and make a change. 
Chinese symbol for Patience
“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me. ‘This is going to take more than one night.’ ” –Charlie Brown
Patience has been eluding me lately. Try as I may, the anxiety and frustration of some days lead me to a place I’m not feeling good about. So I guess I need to be more patient with myself in finding patience with the world around me.
As James and Constance Messina say in their writing about patience, “Wake up to the realities of life around you. Everyone with whom you come in contact is busy working through their own struggles, weaknesses, setbacks, relapses, crises, and obstacles to their personal growth and recovery. All of us are on the path to personal growth. Their is no one exempt from this journey. It takes a lifetime to complete.“
Note to self:
This week I will focus on breathing in relaxation, breathing out tension and frustration. I will breathe in tolerance and understanding and breathe out anger and impatience.
This week I will take one day at a time and make each day more positive by finding at least five things each day which can bring peace, joy and humor into my life.
This week I will look for solutions, remind myself to accept what is, and work toward the goals I have set for myself which always makes me feel more positive and hopeful. Refocus will be my word for the week.
“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
- Maya Angelou
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. “
- Unknown
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstance, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happened to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes.” –Charles R Swindoll
This is my goal for the week.
Gail Brokaw
http://www.embracethepossibility.org
